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signs that you are becoming angry, such as heart racing, muscle ten-
sion, making a fist, jaw clenching, or face turning red or warm.
Behavioral Awareness
Be aware of behavior changes, such as pacing back and forth or stiff
posture. How we behave when we get angry can determine whether
anger will fade or continue to get worse.
Step 2: Modify Internal Responses
Physical
Use relaxation skills like diaphragmatic breathing, progressive muscle
relaxation, or imagery when you feel yourself becoming angry. These
techniques are helpful to counter the physical changes (e.g., increased
heart rate, tense muscles) that occur when you become angry. Try all
of these techniques and use the one that works best for you.
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Cognitive
% Try to consider the feelings of others. Anger often occurs
because we assume that we know what other people are
thinking and feeling. In reality, we do not; no one can read
minds or predict the future.
% Think about your own feelings: are you really angry about
this, or is it something else?
% Use humor to take the edge off anger or to defuse the situation.
% Use cognitive restructuring techniques:
1. Identify the automatic thoughts behind the feelings of
anger (e.g., she did that on purpose, he has always
hated me, or she doesn t care about me ).
2. Avoid traps that increase your anger (e.g., believing that
everyone is out to get you, thinking that you must have
everything your way, exaggerating the importance of
an event). This is important because internal conversa-
tions can fuel anger and prolong it long after the inci-
dent has occurred.
3. Challenge cognitive errors/negative thoughts and gen-
erate alternative interpretations of events.
4. Replace unhelpful negative thoughts with more positive
coping thoughts.
Step 3: Respond Assertively
The next step is to learn constructive ways that you can take action
or express an opinion when you become angry. There are two com-
mon response styles that you may use that are not helpful.
Less Adaptive Response Styles
Withdrawal and Avoidance
Do you avoid dealing with conflict or angry emotions? If so, the
issue that caused your anger may go unresolved and the negative
emotions may be left ready to resurface at another time. Avoidance
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can even cause your anger to grow and create resentment towards
others, as you may continue to think about the event after it has
passed. For example, you may think, What he said was really awful.
I shouldn t have let him get away with that.
Aggression, Antagonism, and Hostility
Do you become aggressive or threatening when angry? This type of
response can lead others to feel guarded or edgy. The other person
may also become hostile if he feels he is being attacked. You may find
that you do not get pushed around very often, but no one will want
to be around you.
Assertive Responding
This is the best way of responding when you are feeling angry. As-
sertive behavior means standing up for your rights and expressing
what you believe, feel, and want in a direct, honest, and appropriate
way that respects the rights of others. The advantage of being as-
sertive is that you can often get what you want, usually without mak-
ing others angry. If you are assertive, you can act in your own best
interest and not feel guilty or wrong about it. An assertive person can
express his likes and interests spontaneously, can talk about himself
without being self-conscious, can accept compliments comfortably,
can disagree with someone openly, can ask for clarification, and can
say no. In short, when you are an assertive person, you can be more
relaxed in interpersonal situations.
How to Respond Assertively
% Confront the person you are angry with at an appropriate
time and place. Wait until your emotions are under control
so that you can communicate more effectively.
% Communicate a willingness to understand the other per-
son s point of view. It s important to be respectful of other
people s opinions.
% Using I statements, be direct and tell the person why you
are angry and what exactly led to your becoming angry. Ex-
69
ample of an I statement: I feel angry when you spend a
lot of money without talking to me about it first.
Being assertive is not always easy, but it is important for effective com-
munication with others and can help to reduce tension and anger.
Guidelines for Communicating with Others Assertively
1. Maintain eye contact and position your body squarely toward
others. Look the other person in the eye most of the time, but
do not stare fixedly. Lean forward and use hand gestures to
maintain his attention.
2. Speak firmly and positively, and loudly enough to be heard
easily. Avoid mumbling, whining, speaking shrilly, or yelling.
Avoid dropping your voice at the end of a sentence.
3. Use clear, concise speech. Ask directly for what you want or say
clearly what you don t want. Avoid numerous repetitions and
qualifiers such as maybe or I guess. Avoid undoing state-
ments such as I shouldn t ask, but . . .
4. Make sure your nonverbal behavior matches the content of
your statement. Don t smile when refusing or disagreeing.
Don t wring your hands when requesting. Avoid a rigid face
when expressing warmth or praise.
5. Listen. Repeat the point that the other person made, clarify, or
say something that shows that you are listening.
6. Maintain a posture and attitude of equality. Avoid apologetic
statements or a tone that belittles yourself or your ideas. Avoid
accusing statements or a tone of sarcasm or ridicule. Be re-
spectful of yourself and others.
7. Take the initiative. Don t let others choose for you. Take the
lead with, I have a suggestion . . . or In my opinion. . .
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Homework
' Complete the Restructuring Thoughts Worksheet on page 72
for events that led to feelings of anger.
' Work toward completing the weekly behavioral goals set at the
end of the session.
Behaviorial Goals for the Week
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
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Restructuring Thoughts Worksheet
Automatic Evidence Positive Coping
Situation Emotion Thought Evidence for against Thought Emotion
Describe the Specify sad, Write the What is the What is the What else can I Re-rate the [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
