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[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
shaker into Mark s drink while Mark was telling a story about
his roommate, and Mark drank it all in one swig before spitting
it across the table onto Andrew. When I told Ian about it later
at his apartment, I had to stop twice to laugh.
Ian gave me a tight smile before turning back to the TV. He
was sitting on the floor, watching The Young Ones, cracking up
every four seconds. I was on the couch behind him, catching
only every third or fourth joke.
182 POLLY
It s because you re not English that you don t get it, he
said.
Maybe it s just not that good, I mumbled, peeling a slice
of black polish from my toenail and letting it fall between Ian s
couch cushions. I slid to the floor and picked up Ian s course
catalog for next semester.
Maybe I ll take life drawing, I said. I like to draw. Sam
says people who are good at geometry are usually good at draw-
ing.
Ian turned away from the TV. Sam doesn t know what he s
talking about.
It makes sense when you think about shapes and propor-
tions and stuff, I said.
Since when are you interested in art?
I thought about my Introduction to the History of Art class.
I usually fell asleep when my professor turned off the lights to
show us slides. I like art.
Like what?
I stretched my legs out behind me. My toes touched a crate
of records. Well, I like Impressionist painting, I said.
Ian shook his head back and forth as he turned back to the
TV. Everybody likes the Impressionists, he said. That s not
really liking art. Give me something else. Something modern.
I shut the catalog. What about you? Aren t you supposed to
be figuring out what to do next semester?
In the scheme of things, formal education means very
little, he said. You should know that.
I got to my feet. I have to go home, I said. I have a test
tomorrow.
I took the bus home for Christmas break. I hadn t been on a
bus since I had gone to North Carolina. It was pretty much the
same as that time, except there were people my age on the bus
I AN 183
and my mother and William knew where I was. I stared out
the window at the dense rock that lined the highway like the
walls of a fortress and let myself think about what it would be
like to be at college without Ian. I hadn t really been on my
own since the first few weeks of school. I had friends now. It
might be fun.
William picked me up at the bus station. We shared an awk-
ward hug and then he helped me lug my laundry to the car.
Don t throw your back out, I told him. I ve been saving
this laundry for over a month.
My parents didn t let me bring my laundry home from col-
lege. They made it clear from the day I left that they expected
me to act like a grown-up and take care of myself.
Well, sorry to disappoint you. Again.
I spent the evening following Mom from room to room. I
told her about Ian and Julie and Andrew and the radio station.
I told her about my dorm room. She had heard it all on the
phone, but I told her again. I had pictures of campus and the
radio station. I had one of Ian doing his radio show. He was
wearing headphones and staring at the console, pretending not
to pose. When I showed the picture to Mom she nodded with
approval.
Well, he seems nice at least, she said.
I wondered what she meant by at least.
He s really serious about music, I said.
I went Christmas shopping at the mall with Carrie and Lyle.
You missed like, six good shows, Lyle said over lunch in
the food court.
Whatever. I can t wait to go to school and get the hell out
of here, Carrie said.
184 POLLY
Lyle put down his Coke. And leave me all alone?
What s Ian like? Carrie asked.
I already told you.
Are you in love?
What kind of question is that? He s my boyfriend. We sleep
next to each other practically every night.
At night I pretended Ian was in bed with me. If I thought
about it long enough I could almost feel him there beside me,
could almost smell his orange-vinegary smell. He was coming
to visit for a few days after New Year s, but he would be in the
guest room down the hall.
Theresa and I went to the new movie theater complex. While
we waited for the movie to start, Theresa told me about why
she was wearing glasses now instead of contacts.
I m not going through all that shit for vanity s sake any-
more, Theresa said. I want to be the real me.
Her glasses were horn-rimmed. I thought they
looked cool.
For Christmas I got a boom box, three sweaters, a black wool
winter coat (it actually fit, unlike the sweaters), an instant
camera, a stack of blank tapes, and three rolls of quarters for
laundry. My father sent me flannel pajamas that were two sizes
too big. I gave my mother a John Irving novel and a pair of
silver hoop earrings. I got William a brown leather wallet and
a Beethoven piano CD Mom said he wanted. I sent my dad a
gray sweater that Mom helped me pick out and some pictures
of my dorm and the rest of the campus. He had promised to
visit me in the spring, but I wasn t expecting him. I hadn t seen
him since North Carolina.
I AN 185
" " "
On the phone I told Ian about the trouble I was having picking
out a Christmas present for him.
I take that as a compliment, Ian said. You can t just get
me any old thing at the mall.
I laughed. Then I can t get you anything. Reston is one big mall.
My report card arrived in the mail two days after Christmas.
I was hoping it would take longer. It was mostly made up of
D s, with a couple of C s thrown in. Even though I knew it was
going to be bad, I still felt shocked to see those grades next to
my name.
It s your life, Mom said at dinner. We were still eating
turkey leftovers from Christmas. If you want to squander your
education and wind up scraping to get by the rest of your life,
I guess there s nothing much I can do about that.
I set my fork down. You think I wanted this to happen?
We re not going to just keep paying, you know.
Her voice had a hard, dramatic edge to it that I couldn t
stand. The only sounds coming from William were the noises
his knife and fork made against his plate he hadn t so much as
looked at me since my report card had come.
What are you going to do, pull me out of school and make
me live here? I asked. My voice shook.
We can t make you do anything, Mom said. But we re
not paying all this money for you to hang around and go to
parties.
I fought back tears. I said I ll do better, and I will.
I don t know where you re getting all this confidence.
186 POLLY
Not from you guys, that s for sure.
William bent his head further over his plate. I stared at the
stark white line of his part, slashing through his dark brown hair
like he d measured it with a ruler. He probably hadn t gotten
a bad grade in his life.
The next day I met Andrew at the mall for lunch. He lived
nearby in Woodbridge, and I was excited to see him. He was
exchanging everything he had gotten for Christmas. We sat in
the food court, eating Philly cheese steaks and fries, and I told
him about my bad grades.
Yeah, it s hard to study when you re going out with some-
one, he said. He smiled.
I squirted more ketchup onto my fries. What, are you see-
ing someone? I asked.
He nodded.
How come I don t know this already? I asked.
Andrew stared at me before he answered. Because I go out
with Sam.
I tried to make a blasé expression as I took a bite out of
my cheese steak. I thought about Sam, pouring salt into Mark s
drink in the dining hall. A crowd of teenagers pushed their way
by our table, knocking over a plastic chair.
I lowered my voice. What about Mark? I asked.
Andrew raised his eyebrows. What about him?
Gay or straight?
Straight. He tilted his head. Yeah, definitely straight. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
